A child custody battle is always an especially difficult part of divorce, and if you find yourself in one of these battles, you want to do all you can to show the court you are a fit parent and should at least have equal custody of your children, if not sole custody. A child custody lawyer in San Diego can help you ensure you’re putting your best foot forward in any custody case.
7 Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them
1. Not Getting a Child Custody Lawyer in San Diego
The very first thing you want to do is get yourself a family law attorney with experience in the local San Diego courts. Trying to go through this without an attorney greatly diminishes your chances of having a successful case. And this is not a situation where you can use a generalist attorney, either. You specifically need someone who is familiar with California’s family law code as well as the local courts and what they want to see in these situations.
Avoid this pitfall by contacting a child custody lawyer in San Diego now for a consultation to see what your options are, what they recommend, and how comfortable you feel working with them.
2. Getting Into Fights With a Former Spouse
Even if your initial divorce was not particularly contentious, it’s easy for things to get heated once the welfare of your children becomes an issue. It’s also easy to feel that you’re justified in getting into a verbal battle if your divorce has been caused by your spouse’s bad behavior. However, if you are serious about keeping custody of your children, do absolutely everything you can to keep your temper in check. The court will not look well on either of you, regardless of who started it. This will especially be the case if a verbal battle turns physical, and at that point you may get charged with abuse or slapped with a restraining order.
Do whatever you can to avoid the temptation of falling into this pitfall. You may have to avoid spending time with your spouse or you may have to only meet with them when other people are around. Whatever it takes, stay out of conflict, including online conflict.
3. Badmouthing Your Ex
Maybe you already know you shouldn’t get in a fight with your ex, but be aware that it’s also important that you not speak badly about them to other people. It’s easy to assume that what you say will stay private, but you know the old saying by Benjamin Franklin: “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”
If you talk about your ex, there’s just too much chance that it will get back to them or to someone who will report it to their lawyers or to the court. Remember that what you say on social media is never private, even if you have settings up to make it so. What you say could easily be screen-grabbed and used in the courtroom to argue that you are attempting to undermine your child’s relationship with your ex.
When your ex is driving you crazy, avoid this pitfall by discussing it only with your lawyer and/or a therapist or counselor, who will be bound by patient/client privilege to keep what you say secret. If you have trouble saying anything nice about your spouse in front of the kids, make a list for yourself of ways to change the subject to a safer topic if the kids bring up the other parent.
4. Getting into Fights With Your Kids
Remember that a lot is riding on how you treat your kids, and it’s very likely that someone will be appointed by the court to talk with your children. Remember that children will talk about things very openly sometimes, and even a minor altercation that you believe is over and done may have stuck with your child in a way that you wouldn’t have expected. When they describe it to the court representative, they may blow your behavior out of proportion, inaccurately describe what happened, or even make things up to get back at you just because they’re angry.
Don’t stop parenting your kids or providing them with the discipline and structure they need to thrive, but avoid this pitfall by making a daily conscious choice not to respond to them with arguing and to let the little things go.
5. Keeping Kids From the Other Parent
In a high-stress custody bottle, both parents face the temptation to weaponize their children against the other spouse. Whatever your ex-spouse does, don’t do this yourself, and especially do not attempt to deny the children access to their other parent. Remember that unless there is a court order forbidding contact, you have no legal right to do this, and trying to do so will make you look very bad. If it goes too far, the court may intervene with some serious penalties. And whether you end up with penalties or not, it will certainly hurt your case for custody.
The only exception here is if your children are in immediate physical danger. If you have reason to believe that your ex is abusing the children or about to do so, contact the police immediately and then your lawyer to see about getting a restraining order or temporary order to protect the kids.
6. Changing Up the Kids’ Schedule
Divorce is a tumultuous time for everyone, and particularly for the children. While you can’t protect them from everything involves, you can make the rest of their life as normal as possible. This is not the time to end or change their involvement in sports, church, or after school activities. Keeping to a regular schedule will be best for them, and it will also be best for your custody case. It will show that you are prioritizing the children, which is always what the court wants to see.
To avoid this pitfall, be sure to talk about any changes that must be made with your ex before they happen. For example, if one of the kids refuses to take piano lessons anymore, don’t just suddenly stop the lessons. Talk to the other parent so the three of you can make a decision together instead of just deciding and leaving your ex in the dark. Then you’re making a family decision, and your ex won’t go complaining to the court.
7. Forgetting Important Events
In a custody battle, you’re trying to show that you are a parent with the skills and commitment that your children need. In some cases, you may be trying to prove that you are the best parent for the children to live with, and to do this, you need to show that your kids can count on you. If you miss doctor’s appointments, dental visits, meetings with their teachers, or court dates, this looks very bad and will hurt your case.
Get in the habit of making a reminder for yourself on your phone as soon as you become aware of any deadline or date you need to take care of. Make sure that your phone will give you an audio signal to remind you, not just at the time, but the day before as well, so you never forget an important date.
Contact the Law Office Of Kevin Lemieux, APC
now to talk with an experienced personal injury attorney and get help in your custody battle.
